The list that will change your life
How to create daily alignment by crafting your own joy / recharge list
As a mom, I spend a lot of time wishing I had a moment to myself amidst the never-ending balancing act of parenthood, work, household chores, and a social(ish) life. But when I finally do get an hour or two of uninterrupted free time, I’m often paralyzed. I feel so much pressure to “make the most of it” that I end up simply defaulting to my to-do list instead: a trip to the store, putting new sheets on the bed, folding laundry, getting a head start on my social content for the week…
By the end of my “free period”, I feel more exhausted, frustrated, and disappointed in myself about wasting such a valuable opportunity.
I first noticed this pattern a few years ago when I decided to go all-in on my human design experiment. We sacral types are most magnetic and effective when our cup is overflowing. Our ability to make sh*t happen and move things forward at a steady, reliable pace depends on us prioritizing joy. In other words, our impact, productivity, and sense of purpose are directly correlated to how much of our time is spent on things that excite us.
But we are also deeply conditioned to put other’s needs before our own. And to measure our “good-ness” based on how many tasks we check off our list (vs. how lit up we are by our life).
At the time, I was the queen of excuses: “I would…but there aren’t enough hours in the day”, “My kid’s needs are just more important right now”, “I’ll get to that as soon as I finish this first…”, “If I had more help, I would be able to, but finding the right support system requires time I don’t have”, etc.
But when I started tracking my behavior more closely, I realized I was my own worst enemy. There were ample chances to fill my cup — even if it was only for 30 or 60 minutes — but I allowed my conditioning to get the better of me. If a client cancelled a session last-minute, I would automatically start responding to emails, instead of jumping on the Peloton or calling my sister.
So, I challenged myself to come up with a way to stop making excuses and start prioritizing my own joy — and that’s where the concept for the “joy list” (for sacrals) and the “recharge list” (for non-sacrals) was born.
To date, this is probably the human design-inspired tool I used most. Every single day, I turn to my joy list at least once. When I’m feeling especially exhausted after consoling my son from a bad dream…when I wake up in an emotional low for no reason…when I have to do my monthly invoices…when I hit that 4pm wall…my joy list comes to the rescue! It’s such a simple concept, but it has made a dramatic difference in my daily alignment.
If you’ve been in my world for a while, you may have heard me reference these lists — and you might already have a draft of your own. But in case you need a little extra nudge and some guidance, I wanted to share a resource for crafting the list that trumps all lists. Follow the steps outlined below based on your energy type.
If you’re a generator or manifesting generator…
What is a joy list?
A joy list is a list of 3-5 activities that you always look forward to. These are the instant HELL YES’s that never fail to fill your cup.
Ideally, the items on your list are things you can do in 60 minutes or less.
(Traveling to see my parents in The Netherlands would bring me a lot of joy, for example, but it’s not exactly something I can squeeze into a free afternoon).
Why create a joy list?
A few reasons…
It makes it easy to take advantage of those rare moments to yourself so you can spend it in the way that will give you the greatest return on investment. Without a list to turn to it can be too tempting to default to chores or scrolling on Instagram.
It sets the standard for what a “HELL YES” should feel like. If you get invited to go to an event with a friend, but you’d rather be doing something on your joy list, it’s a NO. Your time is your most valuable resource and the more discerning you can be about how and with whom you spend it, the more alive you will feel.
It gives you a good reason to say no. Because sacrals are often conditioned from an early age to do what others want of them, it can be incredibly challenging to decline an invitation or prioritize your own needs over tasks that may feel more “productive”. Especially if you technically don’t have anything better to do. If the event your friend is inviting you to falls on an evening you don’t have plans, for example, you will be inclined to go simply because you’d’ feel guilty sitting at home instead. But, a joy list gives you an alternative. Now you can respond with: “That sounds like a great event and I’m honored to be invited, but unfortunately I already have a commitment.”
Can I update my joy list over time?
Yes! Your joy list can change or evolve depending on the time of year or the season you’re in. I have a few permanent staples on my joy list, while other items rotate.
For example, my current joy list is:
Going to a yoga sculpt or pilates class
A solo walk with a smutty audiobook or feel-good playlist
A coffee/lunch/drinks date with a friend (or my husband)
A sauna session
Face-timing a family member
Taking my kids to the beach
How do I create my own joy list?
Because it helps to have something to respond to, start by answering these questions in a journal:
When I have a free hour or two to myself on the weekends, my favorite way to spend it is…
My happy place is…
Something I always look forward to is…
If money and time were no object, I would spend my days...
Now review your responses for inspiration and identify 3-5 things you can do in less than 60-minutes that never fail to spark joy and energize you.
Write them down somewhere they’re easily accessible like the Notes app on your phone.
How do I use my joy list?
To start your day. Starting your day with something on your joy list is a great way to give you a boost of energy that will make the whole day more enjoyable…and productive!
When you have an unexpected break. Instead of filling it with to-do’s, chores, or “favors” for others, pick something on your joy list to do first.
When you feel burned out or exhausted. When you feel chronically “low energy” as a sacral type, it’s most likely because you haven’t been making enough time to fill your cup. You may be inclined to argue that you don’t have the time/energy to add anything to your daily schedule, but trust me, prioritizing a joy list item will actually give you more energy.
When you need to get “unstuck”. When you feel frustrated by a situation or stagnant with no clear path forward, take a 15-30 minute break to do something on your joy list. It can instantly help you shift your perspective and open up new possibilities.
When you’ve been presented with an invitation or opportunity that isn’t an immediate “HELL YES”. Compare it to the items on your joy list; if you’d rather be doing one of these activities, it’s a NO.
If you’re a projector, manifestor, or reflector…
What is a recharge list?
A recharge list is a list of 3-5 activities or environments that never fail to calm your nervous system and help you reset. The items on this list should feel effortless and rejuvenating — it’s energy in vs. energy out.
To make it as practical as possible, choose activities or places that can be enjoyed in 15-30 minute increments. This way, you’ll have no excuse since you can always find 15 minutes to yourself!
(I have no doubt a solo yoga retreat would feel incredibly recharging, for example, but it’s not exactly something I can squeeze into a free morning).
Why create a recharge list?
A few reasons…
Recharging looks different for everyone. Some people need to be fully horizontal without any distractions, while others prefer a walk in nature or watching a mindless reality TV show. Taking a moment to observe and identify what helps you unwind is an important exercise because it will help you determine how to maximize your downtime. The more specific you can get, the better.
As a non-sacral living in a sacral world, you’re under constant pressure to produce output (whether you’re consciously aware of it or not). But your genius can only shine through when you ensure there are ample “inputs” to your system as well. Due to societal conditioning, most of us tend to fill “empty space” on our calendar or throughout the day with tasks and chores. However, as a non-sacral, this will eventually lead to burnout. Choosing to use these free periods to recharge instead — even if it’s simply staring out of your car window in silence for 10 minutes — will actually increase your productivity over time.
It gives you a reason to say no. No one likes to disappoint people, especially when it’s for seemingly “selfish” reasons. (Although let’s all agree that, in this case, being selfish is really the most selfless thing you can do for your loved ones!) It can be hard to decline an invitation when you don’t have other “official” plans. And you may feel a little reticent to admit you can’t commit because you simply don’t feel like it…or you’re too tired. I wish our society would stop forcing non-sacrals to either override their bodies’ cues or come up with fake excuses, but in the meantime, rely on your recharge list: “That sounds like a great event and I’m honored to be invited, but unfortunately I have plans.” Or “Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I already committed to a little self-care this evening.”
Can I update my recharge list over time?
Yes! Your recharge list can change over time depending on the season of life you’re in and the things you have access to. Your list will most likely include a few permanent staples, while others will rotate over time.
A few examples of recharge list items my clients have shared over the years include:
A (power) nap
Sitting in my car in silence
An epsom salt bath
“Grounding” barefoot on the grass
Watching mindless Bravo shows or binging Netflix series
A sauna session
A solo neighborhood stroll
Cuddling with my dogs on the couch
Needlepoint or adult coloring books
How do I create my recharge joy list?
To help you get started, I encourage you to take a few minutes to journal or meditate in response to the following questions:
I feel most relaxed when I’m…
I feel most relaxed after I…
Activities that allow me to lose track of time are…
When I have a free hour to myself on the weekends, my favorite way to spend it is to…
Now review your responses for inspiration and identify 3-5 activities or environments that never fail to relax & rejuvenate your system.
Write them down somewhere they’re easily accessible like the Notes app on your phone.
When & how to use my recharge list?
When you have an unexpected break. Instead of filling it with chores or other tasks that feel “productive”, pick something on your recharge list to do first. It may even make you get through your to-do list faster afterwards!
In between meetings or bursts of intense work. Going straight from one “output” to the next is a recipe for burnout. Build in transition time to do something on your recharge list instead — even if it’s just 15 minutes!
Take advantage of your lunch break. Or combine lunch with an activity on your recharge list — i.e., eat lunch outside with your feet in the grass or in your car while listening to an audiobook.
When you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and like you can’t catch a break. Though you may argue that this is the worst time to rest, nothing could be further from the truth. When you’re in an energetic low, stop whatever you’re doing and pick something on your recharge list. A 30-minute nap or Great British Baking Show episode will not only give you more energy for the next task, but also the clarity you need to prioritize more effectively.
When you feel particularly resentful, angry, or disappointed. If you notice yourself exhibiting “not-self” behavior, take a 15-30 minute break to do something on your recharge list. It can instantly help you shift your perspective on the situation.
I dare you…
Remember, it’s not enough to have a “general idea” of your list in your head. Make sure you WRITE IT DOWN. It has to be as easy and effortless as possible to prioritize yourself in the moments you can.
I recommend kicking things off with a little challenge:
Can you commit to doing 1 thing on your joy or recharge list every single day for the next week?
I would love to hear some of the items on your own lists, so please use the comment section below to share some inspiration!
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OMG, I've had this idea for some time now.. so glad to have it validated!! I've been listing things that I feel help me wind down/relax/recharge and since I'm recovering from burn out I'm starting to try this soon! thank you so much for this!
I didnt know I needed this article as much as I do. I will introspect and see what is in my joy and recharge list. Writing it down will be good for me. Thanks for creating the template!